Visions of ana

I see ana in the mirrors at college when I dance. She stands elegantly.

She is 5"8, pale skin, dark eyes, black hair, she wears a white floaty dress and her nails are painted black. She wears no shoes.

I saw her in a lesson a week or so ago when I wasn't feeling to well, was dizzy and weak. I looked into the mirror and she was crying black tears and she was bleeding the reddest blood from her wrists. Her arms were relaxed by her side. Ana didn't seem to notice all the blood dripping onto the floor. I sat out for the rest of the lesson saying I felt dizzy. I haven't seen her since then.

Just now when I was upstairs brushing my teeth I heard a female voice say my name. It was like she was calling me back to my laptop to read more on her and about her lifestyle. It couldn't be anyone else as I'm home alone until my ma comes up tomorrow, I know joy to the world. I've never heard her voice but its calming and I don't feel alone. I'm glad she has come into my house in human form and not just in my mind.

When I really have to food shop she's there with me in Asda looking with me at the low fat, calorie, sugar, vegetarian and vegan foods that make me feel sick at the site of. It used to take me about half an hour to get around the store and out the door but now I'm in there for ages. I read all the labels of anything I want and deliberate weather or not to buy it. I won't buy anything over 100 calories, junk food or items in the freezer like vegetarian burgers, sausages or potato wedges. I won't but bread, rolls and no cake will pass my lips. I bought some bread the other day Nimble, low carbohydrate and felt so guilty as I read to calorie content, yet I bought it, a small loaf.

But no more, I can't, must not. I need to see her face, feel her presence. Where has she gone? Did I do bad, so bad that she left?

Ana please return.

I have bled for you, overdosed and almost died. I know I've not bled for two weeks as the risk is to high of people finding out but I still do the rest. What will it take for you to come back? I will do anything. Tell me in my sleep tonight. You might have trouble fighting through the nightmares that plague my dreams but I need you.

Love for always worthless one.