No Plan

Woke up today with no plan on how I will make it through another day of sheer boredom. I made my escape as I went on the internet to book my coach ticket and check my mail. I went on the anavirgo site that I miss so much. I was reading a post that I put up about Ipecac syrup and how I couldn't get any shipped and thought about laxatives.

After I logged off I went to Boots to investigate and I found like ten different brands and bought some. It was easier than first anticipated they were next to the diet pills and slim fast products.
I took two then had dinner, well I say had dinner more poked it about a bit and left most of it. Later I took two more but have felt no effects accept the fact I've been to the bathroom a bit more but that could just be the fact I've drunk more today to curb the temptations of eating junk!

I've decided that when I get back to Liverpool I'm fasting no matter what it takes and for as long as I can.

For the past few days I have had constant craving to cut and its constantly on my mind. I'm thinking about cutting the bottom of my legs or the tops of my feet. I can cover that better than my wrists by wearing footless tights under my trousers at college and my normal trousers generally. When I do go out in a skirt I wear tights anyway.

I fear the temptation will be too much and I will cut.
I crave the red, the sight of blood.

The whole making food disappear so people think I'm eating it is working a treat! I've got a bag of it ready for the trash. Ma said what I don't eat I will just have to take with me, so I will loose that on the way to Kent!

I feel huge and the very thought of stepping on the scales scares me to the point if I did and gained I would not be responsible for what I do next. I will take the plunge after a week back in
Liverpool after some serious fasting.

The week in Devon is nearing an end and for once I'm doing OK. If I were to have stayed here for two weeks the story would be very different.

I've been thinking about putting pictures of thinsperation on my door in Liverpool. I have pictures on the walls and one or two thinsperation pictures that I have passed off as mates but I want a dedication section to ana. I want pictures, poetry, sayings and things to inspire me to peruse this for ever.

Remember the trick to life is to keep breathing.

Fallen-angel

xxx