Pathetic

The day was going good until I ate. I know people say you need to eat in order to survive but its nonsense because man/woman can survive on water. Its true, David Blaine went in to a box above the themes for forty days and forty nights surviving solely on water, he's still alive, isn't he? The human body cannot survive without fluid but can without food.

Now I've eaten I feel I should punish myself for being weak and giving in to the rumbles of my stomach. My stomach hurts and I feel I'm going to explode! I ate so much, others would say so little but thats their opinion and I respect that but its me who has to live with the guilt.

Why am I so weak and feeble?

I need to get my priorities straight, I want to be thin and will do anything for a little piece of happiness.

Anything.

I think people are suspecting things and I don't know how I would cope if they found out the truth. I don't want them to say I'll help you get through this, we can do it together, I understand, when they really have no idea. Its imposible to understand unless you've been there, felt the guilt, the fat and pain.

I'm not sick.

Ana is a life style and not an illness, you cannot be cured of a life style choice.
You can over come it but ana will never leave you, ever, once you are scared by it its always there.

My dreams are plagued with fear of what people might say if they knew. I wake up at all hours in a panic, I'm scared. Its true for once in my life I have fear.

I don't need help.
Wounded? Yes.
Sick? No.