For the first time

Still tired and sleepy. I've lost 6 pounds this week (its a start).

I've got a long way to go for perfection.

By the college Christmas show I want to loose another stone. I'm going on a fast until Monday maybe longer depending on how I feel, if I'm strong enough. I feel stronger now that I've got a result, I just need rest over the weekend. I've got a show tomorrow for charity and I have the strength to wake up in the morning.

Things are finally looking up.

I've pulled myself through and I'm not sure why because I just want to be accepted, loved and wanted. I feel love but am unsure that its returnable for the person tells of love for another.

In this life things are never simple or rewarding. People say you need to love and be loved in order to survive but I'm still here, much to my disappointment, yet I am not loved.

Went to physiotherapy and was told the problems in my knees will never be properly heeled and I may never dance without pain. I'm not shocked or hurt by the news as I had a good idea that it would be this way. I'm still perusing my career as they say 'no pain no gain'. I only know and love dance and I'm still going. The pain isn't bad all the time.

You know the only thing that loves me back is dancing.

Obviously ana loves me as I wouldn't be living without food and the loss of pounds each day.
I wake wishing and hoping I'd awake thin and beautiful. Its pathetic really because as much as I hate to admit it, it will never happen.

I will never be at one with myself, will always hate me and feel ashamed.

Ashamed