"I Want You Out!"

Roughly three weeks ago mum suddenly announced that she wants me to move out. Yes me, she didn't mention anything about my girlfriend though she probably thought that where I go she'll follow which is true to a certain extent.

Her reason?

We don't get on, there are too many women in the kitchen and unless she means that literally then I have no idea what she means by:

"Too many women in the kitchen"

I have phoned numerous flats and apartments up but the majority fall into two categories: too expensive or already let. We have so far viewed two that we thought we could afford.

Number 10, Torquay.

corridor to the staircase. To the right of the staircase is situated the "laundry facilities"-a washer and dryer not suitable for dead rodents to be buried in let alone do laundry in. Walk through the main entrance door, along a long, dark royal blue decorated and uneven. Climb the endless uneven, dark, royal blue decorated stairs to the top. Right up the last, narrowest, steepest and most spiraled staircase and vola the front door. A sixty something year old man, snuffly dressed in ill fitting trousers and an old grandad jumper with bad teeth, some missing put a key in the door and opened it. There were two reasonably sized bedrooms with enormous closets big enough to almost live in, the worlds most beaju bathroom that was no bigger than a broom closet had a peach toilet with matching plastic towel rail hidden behind the door and the worlds smallest shower cubicle that not even I could turn around in. The kitchen was small and compact. The contents: a dirty hoboed cooker with a dirty sink and matching cupboards and work surfaces, and a junk yard ready fridge freezer big enough for a few says shopping at it's most. The lounge was of reasonable size with a god awful floral three piece suit. All the floors were uneven, the carpets had seen far better days and the whole flat smelt of sweat and old urine-certainly not for us or anyone to inhabit.

And then there was the perfect two bed roomed flat above a tattooist in Torquay.

Through the peeling black painted entrance and up two flights of stars freshly carpeted but in need of a hoover and past the one bed roomed flat. Open the door and enter the freshly painted hallway with facing toilet which was white and clean. The hall lead on to a long kitchen which was modern and clean consisting of: pine cupboards with chrome handles, glass top electric cooker, stainless steel clean sink and clean work spaces. There was optional washing machine and fridge that had seen better days but was decent.The floor was laminated but needed a sweep and the rest of the flat was carpeted. Adjacent to the kitchen was two decent sized bedrooms with period black steel fireplaces. Following to the end of the kitchen was the lounge which again had a period black fireplace. Just off to the right before the lounge was the bathroom which had a white sink and a glass and silver shower cubicle big enough for two, all was cleaned to a high standard. What really caught my eye was all the cute little windows with white painted wooden surroundings, they were everywhere. Everything in the flat fitted together and worked well.

So what's the problem?

The agent who showed us around on behalf of the elderly landlord dropped a bombshell. It would cost around £700 a month to run the flat inclusive of all bills plus £400 deposit, way more than we can afford right now. We both left feeling down about this wonderful flat.

I've come to the conclusion that we can not afford a flat on our own, we need help so I've contacted the housing council and they may be able to help up with their "rent deposit" scheme. I have to phone Monday morning to get an appointment.

Fingers crossed.

Fallen-Angel