Update..........

It has been over a year since I last blogged and I'm not quite sure where to start, so I will continue from;
"Break one guys dreams so another who has my heart will smile",
as that seems a good place to start.


The following morning was the lat time I would ever see this guy I met in Rout 66 the night before as a few weeks later I received a phone call from my mate telling me to sit down as he had some bad news. He told me that Dave, the guy from Route 66, was dead. He said he didn't know how but as soon as he found out would tell me.
I was sat on the stairs looking through the rails in my Liverpool student shared house. I didn't know what to say or do, I remember saying "shit" and having a huge lump in the back of my throat.
A few days later I received a text message saying Dave hand hung himself in his wardrobe and that his mother had found him.
I had a lot of doubts in my head and unanswered questions, was this true, had he just made this up because he liked me too and was jealous? Every ridiculous remark and question floated though my head for weeks to come.
Dave's funeral was held in Bath. I wanted to go but I wasn't invited. Who was I to deserve to go as I'd hand a one night stand with him, I wasn't a friend, girlfriend nor family? I guess I just needed the ultimate proof that he was indeed gone.

I graduated Liverpool, June 2006, with high grades in all Major Fields.
I don't remember much about the last semester because I've tried, and succeeded in blocking it out. From what I can recall things got a little better and my attendance improved. I did notice that my lack of attendance the term before put me at a disadvantage when the final performance came as I was cut from some of the sections of dance routines because I was not there to learn them, for which I can only blame myself.
I am surprised I made it through as I was sure they were going to kick me out.

After that I had made plans to move to London and live with two friends and one of their boyfriends but that fell through as they split up. I had no choice then but to move back to my parents, Devon. I stayed in their caravan as they had short stay students in all the spare rooms, which they did every year since I can remember.
I started working at The Redclif Hotel, Paignton, August of 2005. I worked in the kitchen making the hot drinks and snacks. I worked split shifts which were a killer as I wasn't sleeping yet I was up at six AM everyday. I got really sick, fast. I had glandular fever, the flu, a chest infection and a possibility of Hepatitis B. My mental state was very low and I was self harming almost everyday. I got so ill that I couldn't eat or drink anything yet I was being sick everyday. Two weeks before I quit I blacked out for the hundredth or so time, I was walking to get changed though the kitchen when I blacked out and fell over seriously hurting my back.

After that I was unemployed for a month or so and slowly got better. I joined an employment agency and did all kinds of work-I wasn't fussy as I had no money.

September 2006, I moved into the house as the last of the students were leaving.

That summer I started phoning and writing to a friend I had met in Kent the new year of 2006. We became close fast and it wasn't long before we were talking on the phone every night and texting all day.

October 2006, I went to Kent for a week and stayed at our friends house and that's where the next chapter begins.

Fallen-Angel