Controlling thoughts

These thoughts that control my life are pounding away my soul once more.

Ana shouts out to me to come back, not to fail her and for me to let her control me once again. I am so weak to her voice that I bow down and obey her.

Every word she whispers resides in my fragile mind.

Today begins another of many previous fasts of water and cigarettes. I don't care how ill I get, how many times I pass out due to weakness or how many times I throw up.

I will win.

I stand in front of the mirror crying at the shame that is my body. I'm ashamed to call myself ana, I don't deserve my name Fallen-Angel, the angel that fell from grace with a crash.

If I can't see bones I'm not working hard enough.

This time it will work and I will succeed for this time failure is defiantly not an option. I have others to take into consideration.

what will my girlfriend think when all she touches is fat?

Day one, three hours in.

Fallen-Angel