Too See

To see only fat and not able to cope, I feel that everyday of my life. Wighted myself to confirm my nightmares. Once confirmed I once again felt the urge to bleed but not to realive but to die. I went to the gym and for two hours solid I workedout, through tiredness I pushed. Back at home the pressure to bleed is getting to much. I ate dinner and washed it down with some lax and diet pills. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. I want to eat, yet I see food as the enemy.