Dear ana

Dear ana,

This is for you and you alone. You know the world belongs to you, you determine my every action, every breath. People say you are only an illness, a diseasae but you are more, a lot more. My day starts and ends with you.

This lack of passion for life is becasue of you.

I hate everything I stand for, everything I belive in. I hate me. Going through life is sheer hell and all I've ever wanted is out.

You know in the HIM lyrics for Burried alive by love?I feel burried alive by tourture only daily.

I thought you loved me and I did/do anything for you, anything to please you and yet its never good enough. I restrict, fast, cut, get sick, dizzy spells, pass out. You are like my ma never satisifed until I'm gone to far beyond the point of recognision.

Don't worry I'm not leaving you, I can't, I'm trapped for life, with you inside me. I thought I was in control but am I? Really? NO. Thats the answer your looking for.

I've lost out on oppertunities in love, life and future oppertunities. I was ashamed to step outisde at times last year and as a result of my failure, fatness and patheticness my grades showed me how dumb I really am. I'm unworthy of breathing clean air so I poloute my body with smoke. Punish myself with a blade. I've passed the days quicker by taking overdoses as to pass out and maybe awaken the next or the day after.

I've gone beyond oall reasoning to be healthy or normal. Fuck it all. Its too late the damage has been done.The love for you from me still shines strong abouve anyother. You will always be here inside me for eternity.

A pain that will never seace. Blood that will never stop. Always the worthless one never worthy.

Fallen-angel x