Settling in

The months that followed were hard both settling in and moving on.

Graudlly I felt more like one of the family rather than an outsider but things were still not right.

I didn't have a job so I wasn't working and I had no money, at all.

She would go off to work everyday and I would sit up in her room thinking the day away with ABC1 in the background, terrified of making too much noise. I would only leave my new security of her bedroom for cigarettes and drinks. I dreaded going downstairs because I felt like a scrounging imposter.
In the evenings we would walk to our friends house and return stoned around midnight.

I was feeling my depression deepen more eachday as I stared out of the window into the nothingness that was beyond it.

Days and weeks passed until I decided to see if I could go on job seekers whilst I was looking for a job. I had to sign on every second Monday at 10Am. I applied for well over sixty jobs and got no responce. I wasn't being picky either, I applied for everything from cleaning to factory work and care.

Time went on and I heard nothing.

I despised that I was one of those people of whom I despised so much. I always carried this perception that people on benefits were just too lazy to get a job but now I'm more sympathetic towards those who are trying their best to gain employment.

We moved out in the early spring of 2006 into a one bed roomed apartment a ten minute train ride away from her parents and friends.

We shopped for items we would need with her dad whom helped us move.

It was nice to have our own space; for her it took some time getting used to being able to make noise or play music without headphones but for me it was more like being back in Liverpool where I did what I wanted, when I wanted.

I had a job interview for a supported living home in Harrietsham, Maidstone. I was so happy that someone was interested in giving me a chance. The interview went well though I applied for the waking night position I was given days. I started one month later and learnt a lot considering that all I knew about care work was what ma had told me, otherwise I was clueless.

I remained there for a year and went from support worker to team leader which is an achievement considering I went in with no knowledge of care/support work.

Fallen-Angel